A Revelation

So I took some time away from responsibilities this weekend and I came to the conclusion that I am not happy. And that’s okay. It is better to be aware that you are unhappy then to try and shove down inside of you so you never have to worry about it.

I am not happy with my day money (is what I call a day job). And it’s not that I don’t think day jobs are for me, I just can’t do this one.

Reasons why I can’t do this day money:

• Micromanaging boss
• Having to give up nights and weekends for it
• Be constantly talked down to and told I’m doing everything wrong before I even get a chance to try
• There is more work than 2 people can do
• The unorganization is astounding
• Instead of the word “um” he uses “you know?” and it doesn’t seem like a lot but consistently being asked if I know what he’s talking about 12 times in one sentence is very frustrating

I need something that will allow me to do my job well and not constantly feel like a burden and like I don’t know what’s going on because, right now, I just have no idea what is going on and I can’t keep working like this.

But it’s nice to know that I have figured that out and a, taking steps to correct the problem. And I always have a bad time giving people bad news so I am not looking forward to letting him know that I am going to be leaving. I don’t like making people sad and I am terrible at confrontation but if I am unhappy I have to think of me first because, at the end of the day, I am stuck with myself and am the most important person in my life.

My Life is a Joke

I know what you’re thinking: “There is no way her life is more of a joke than mine” and you would be WRONG!

My life is an endless cycle of anxiety indued disappointments: I’m always early with everything, I’m gullible and I worry about everything. My most recent emotional trauma happened just yesterday when my roommate was looking for apartments. Let me give you a forward:

We are currently roommates and are heading our separate ways to live alone with our SO’s. So I got my apartment about 3 weeks ago for a June 1 lease. It was the only property I found that is where I wanted it to be that allows dogs. This is also my roommates first time finding an apartment in the city.

So I tag along to apartment showings because I know there is nothing out there that will allow dogs and has everything I want: that doesn’t exits. OR DOES IT?! Because she found it!

It was a duplex house so you only had 1 neighbor, it had a HUGE backyard, a wood burning fireplace, a dishwasher and a garage space.

AND IT ACCEPTS DOGS!!!

SHE DOESN’T OWN A DOG!

And I know I should be happy for her but this always happens to me. I get nervous and worry that I won’t find a place or it will just be an apartment to live in until I find a better one and I get so much anxiety that I move quickly and hastily purchase things.

And I know that happiness is a choice and blah blah blah but that part of my brain that allows me to do that is trapped in a very dark closet with R. Kelly.

So, the idea behind this post is to not just vent my frustrations to the endless void that is the internet, it is to read what I am writing and realize that this is a dumb thing to be that upset about. I’m allowed a small amount of time to pout and lament but I tend to make those small amounts of time last a few weeks.

I am in that state right now where it feels like the Universe is against me with everything I do. I am slowly feeling like I am going to have a mental breakdown and start smashing objects with a cold dead expression and then I’ll be in a mental institution (this has been thought out.)

So, here’s to hoping that this weekend does me well…

New Beginings

In case anyone was wondering, I do have an old blog. I started it in 2013 so, it’s pretty dated and I thought I would give it a much needed face lift.

If anyone here read any of my other posts you will know that I very much love gif’s and will most likely use them way too much and sometimes for no reason at all. That’s just what you get when you read life rants.